Robert Louis Stevenson once said Wine is bottled poetry but then he’d never been to a Wetherspoons where you’d barely compare it to a limerick. If you drink because you harbour ambitions to be poet laureate one day, at least choose your weapon wisely. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you low-calorie alcoholic drinks including the supermodels’ favourite tipple Laurent Perrier Ultra Brut, which weighs in at 65 calories per glass as opposed to the 95 big ones in your average glass of bubbles (wine has between 80 and 120 calories). LPUB (I like the abbreviation, don’t you?) is served at many places including The Berkeley as part of its fashion-inspired Pret a Portea afternoon tea, above. Another 65-calorie flute of thinness is Pol Roger Pure (Pure? Really? I like a company with a sense of humour). The original Pol Roger was, apparently, Winston Churchill’s preferred aperitif. Cue one of his famous retorts. “Sir you are drunk.” To which he replied: “Madam you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” Well, it’s not exactly poetry but, you know… Below is a cinematic suggestion of how to crack open said bottle in style, a trick I was taught at Hotel TerraVina, the lovely little New Forest bolt hole of Nina and Gerard Basset (he currently holds the title of Best Sommelier in the World).